


I Wanna Know What Love Is

by NotEvenCloseToStraight



Series: Playlist [9]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Breaking Up & Making Up, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, Insecure Wade Wilson, M/M, Protective Peter Parker, Spideypool - Freeform, Wade Wilson Needs A Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:42:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24911044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEvenCloseToStraight/pseuds/NotEvenCloseToStraight
Summary: Wade is scared to love again after losing Vanessa, but Peter is right there to show him it's alright.Just soft boys being soft with a dash of Deadpool-Angst and Spidey to the heart-eyes rescue.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Series: Playlist [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1462534
Comments: 7
Kudos: 313





	I Wanna Know What Love Is

It wasn’t that Wade was in denial about his feelings for Peter. Shouting various marriage proposals while leaping from buildings and gushing about heart eyes and knee-weakening crushes while fighting baddies wasn’t exactly _denial_.

And yet—

“Wait wait wait.” Wade held up his hands and Peter immediately backed off, hands up to mirror Wade’s motion and expression calm, steady. “I just um– I need a minute. Need a little time.”

“No problem.” Peter promised and leaned in to place a gentle kiss on Wade’s cheek. “All the time you need, baby. I’m here.”

And it wasn’t so much that Wade doubted Peter’s feelings for him either. Nope, couldn’t be doubt when Peter had fulfilled every one of Wade’s not so secret fantasies by asking him out via boombox and eighties music in the alley outside his apartment. Definitely not _doubt_.

But then again–

“Shit, baby boy.” Wade wrenched away from yet another kiss, shied away from Peter’s grip at his waist, yanked his mask on and was out the door and _gone_ before Peter could even take a full breath.

“Damn it.” Peter ran frustrated fingers through his hair and blew out a deep breath, then picked up his phone to text Wade:

 **From Peter Pumpkin** : _It’s okay babe. I know the whole relationship thing feels like this big deal and you called it… like a MOUNTAIN or something yesterday and I get it. It’s a big deal. But I’m here, okay? We’ll take it one step at a time._

It wasn’t denial and it wasn’t doubt and it certainly wasn’t a lack of shared life experience. Wade and Peter shared everything about their lives from questionable food at odd hours of the night to the sagging couch in Wade’s front room and there were definitely reports of someone in Spiderman’s costume wearing Deadpool’s mask webbing around the city which had _only_ happened because Peter’s mask got torn and Wade had given up his to preserve Ye Olde Secret Identity. 

They knew what it meant to be lonely in this life, to not quite fit in with the other gangs of super heroes, to go out every night and save the city and then be _nobody_ in the light of day and struggle against the futility of it all.

But still—

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Wade cursed and swore and kicked a hole in the wall after hanging up on Peter and cancelling date night for the fourth time in a row. “Fuck, why am I such a mess, why am I such a fucking mess!?”

It wasn’t denial or doubt or lack of shared life experience but after months of trying to date and failing, after night after night of aborted kisses and conversations started and never finished because Wade couldn’t explain what was wrong, after Peter had been patient and patient and always so unfailingly _patient_ with his reassurance and giving Wade space and time and still smiling every time the Merc called or texted or showed up unexpectedly–

– it wasn’t denial or doubt or lack of shared life experience putting a damper on what should have been a relationship blessed by the Superhero Gods–

–it was Wade.

He was _scared_.

“I lost her.” Wade whispered one night, raw and wrecked and hiding his face in his hands because the lady they’d saved hadn’t looked like Vanessa or talked like Vanessa or even remotely resembled anything about the first girl Wade had ever loved, but she was about the same age as Vanessa had been and for whatever reason Wade was _devastated_.

“I lost her and some times I wish it would have killed me. Don’t do real well with the heart ache and the pain and all that, Pete. Don’t know if I’d survive it another time.”

“Okay.” Peter held his hand tight and tried not to let his own heart break because he knew this was goodbye, knew this was Wade telling him they couldn’t ever be together. All the shared experience in the world, all the kisses and laughter and reassurances weren’t enough to erase the way Wade was scared to his soul to love and lose again and at some point, Peter knew he wouldn’t be able to change that.

“Okay.” he said again and leaned in for a long, slow kiss that went on and on until Wade’s tears were salty on their lips. “It’s okay, baby. I’m still here.”

“I just– maybe some time?” Wade asked helplessly. “Maybe I can figure it out or–or think things over or I mean– Pete, I thought I was better and I thought–”

“Hey hey.” Peter shook his head, ran careful fingers over the scars on Wade’s cheek and settled his palm warm and secure at the back of Wade’s neck. “It’s okay. It’s always okay. You aren’t going to lose me. We’re still– we’re still good, but yeah. Maybe you need some time. Maybe it would be easier if I wasn’t around for a little bit?”

“…maybe.”

 _Then_ it was denial, after Peter stopped coming to patrol and started spending more time with Matt Murdock. It was denial because Wade kept telling himself Peter wasn’t heart broken and that his own issues wouldn’t change them. They could still be friends and Peter hadn’t really loved him all that much, right? Things would be back to normal in no time, right?

And _then_ it was doubt because Wade couldn’t bring himself to text Peter, but Peter never texted him either and his phone sat silent and dark when he wasn’t playing Candy Crush to pass the endless hours.

And _then_ it wasn’t shared life experience because Wade was eating alone and sleeping alone and sitting alone in his apartment and listening to endless loops of sad break up music alone and he hated all of it but he was so scared…

“I wanna know what love is.” he whispered when Peter opened the door at two am in the morning and stared at him with tears in his eyes. “I– I do. But I need you to show me? I can’t do it, Pete. I’m ruined and I’m scared. I’m scared of losing you, I’m scared of having to say goodbye again and I mean fuck, a guy like me was lucky enough to find love once and look how it ended up and now I have you and it’s crazy and I’m scared.”

Peter only looked at him and Wade took a deep breath, gathered all his courage, gathered all the hurt pieces and all the scared pieces and every inch of him that needed so badly to not be lonely anymore–

“I wanna know what love is.” he said again, quietly, helplessly, _pleading_. “Can you show me?”

“Come here.” Peter was already moving towards him, already reaching out and pulling him in and their bodies crashed together with a kiss that erased doubt and denial and everything _scared_ and Peter whispered fiercely, “I’m gonna show you, Wade. I promise. Come here, come here, come here. I’m here. Always.“


End file.
